A midnight blog and a half

I wasn’t sure what to title this blog, it is a update one and as I am in bed at midnight having taken codeine and morphine tablets with my laptop, then why not “a midnight blog”

With my treatment my ups and downs in general health can be so dramatic, the last week has been very hard, lots of weight loss, sickness and pain.

I hang in as I expected side effects of chemo and know I had a large tumour.

The pain in my stomach worries me, it is from the area where I had surgery, and though I don’t like to diagnoses what is happening I will trust my instinct and the feeling is not too good.

It is not the fear of having a terminal cancer that scares so much, of course there is some fear, but I really had time to put my mind in a place to accept my own mortality and as a Wiccan do view death differently. This sounds morbid, and it is not, I am not sitting here waiting to die, just I had time to think and reflect on what could happen.

However what is important to me is quality of life, this comes in 2 areas, getting out, working, being active and having a nice social life.

At the moment going out is very hard due to the pain and as I said in my previous blogs I will build my social life, but once again it is a lonely path.

With time to reflect on life, I also remembered my teenage years how I used to not be invited to social events, but was always ok to be asked out as a cinema buddy to watch a film no one else wants to see.

In a way this is happening now and it angers me, but things happen for a reason.

Uplift things a bit.

Wow there was some negative stuff there; it reflects what is going on inside me.

On a more positive note, I have put most of my lump sum away into my saving account and also worked out from my next six payslips and holiday pay from last year, I can save another £2000 and also buy some more bits for my flat and other treats.

I say next six payslips as I don’t know what the future holds after that, will I still be employed etc.

I am also making an appointment at my bank to REDUCE my overdraft facility! I have had a 1,300 facility for 6 years, but this is now paid off, I want to request a smaller one (£300) as a cover.

This feels really good to be debt free.

Also with my good luck I really want to spoil my sister on her birthday, not only for her support while I was in hospital, also she had a hysterectomy last year and also like me was screwed out of our inheritance by our dad.

I have booked tickets to see a Michael Jackson tribute show (front row seats no less) booking a nice meal in, then a night out at a cocktail bar, and all cab fares will be on me.

This all takes place 26^th February and to make sure that I am awake I will take caffeine tablets! (Reminds of my old clubbing days to 6am)

I have also been enjoying framing some pictures; I found some old books with pictures of fairies and elves, and carefully cut them out and framed all for a grand total of £6 J

I am looking through my Stargate magazines as there are some wonderful prints of the Egyptian symbols I could frame and also make a SG1 montage.

Quick mid blog update

Flipping diarrhoea had it really bad last 3 days, Im losing weight at alarming rate again, so glad I got my doctor’s appointment tomorrow.