Occupational Health meeting (OH)

It went ok, although I had discussed the options with my Unison rep the day before.

After going through the updates of my health we discussed where this left me regarding a return to work and a good offer was made to me.

The Doctor suggested starting possibly in 6-8 weeks time, a Monday, Wednesday and Friday 2 hours each day (six hours a week).

I felt this was a fair offer and will see what happens in my “Absence review meeting” (26^th May)

Where will I go?

I am in a “at risk” situation at work as I have a substantive post (which I do not want to go back to) so I will see what they think.

The grand plan is still on

I have not changed my mind about leaving the rat race, but this is my way of thinking.

I will not be able to have my gender surgery to end of this year or early next year, so I could not enrol onto my collage course until March 2011.

At work they have a thing called the “Talent pool” you go into this for 3 months if you can’t get another post then its redundancy.

Sooooooooo I could get full pay for another 4-6 months during that time put about £6,000 into my savings account and also buy any bits I need for the flat, then get a nice little offer and then “retire”

Work and that “label” baggage

I have been living as a woman for over 3 years now and am 95% stealth.

Over these 3 years my friendship circle for various reasons has changed and I don’t tell too many people about my past.

I have moved to a new home and new area of southend, and my neighbours, shops etc know me as Lucy.

But whenever I go back to my workplace I feel like a Transsexual woman, I used to think is this paranoia but it is not, when I popped in last Friday to meet a friend for lunch I heard someone refer to me as “him” I just don’t get this anywhere else.

Not only d I not look like a man, I don’t look anything like who I was four years ago.

It seems people (mainly men) can’t shake out of their mind “I used to be a man”.

And I ignore their attempts at the manly handshake!

So I will play the waiting game as deep deep in my heart I know I want to move onto a job where I can lose the “trans label and baggage”.

Strangely depressed

I felt really depressed this week, in a way that is hard to put my finger on why, perhaps it was like overcoming a mountain during the past 12 months.

I popped into the Cancer ward at the hospital to give the nurses a thank you card and some chocolates to thank them for looking after me during the last 12 months and it felt strange, almost like leaving a job, hospitals, medication and clinics have been part of my life for over a year, it is like breaking a relationship, all be a different symbiotic one.

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