Well since I have had my cancer diagnosis the appointments have come thick and fast and also like a personal tour of what the NHS has to offer a 40 year old(ish) woman.
On the whole the experience is very good; the staff have treated me with respect and the upmost care.
Also as a patient you get to observe how understaffed and busy our wonderful Doctors and Nurses are.
So first on my tour was The Royal Hospital in Whitechapel (first picture on the left)
I have been referred to one of the top teams in this country in dealing with pancreatic and bowel cancer.
On the whole the experience is very good; the staff have treated me with respect and the upmost care.
Also as a patient you get to observe how understaffed and busy our wonderful Doctors and Nurses are.
So first on my tour was The Royal Hospital in Whitechapel (first picture on the left)
I have been referred to one of the top teams in this country in dealing with pancreatic and bowel cancer.
Monday 15th June 2009
He spoke to me about the spot on my cancer and the confirmed cancer in my small intestine and pancreas.
He drew a helpful diagram and showed me the scans, so got to see my insides on his pc.
If the spot on my cancer is NOT cancer then he will operate to remove part of the pancreas and small intestine, this procedure is called a “Whipple procedure” http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/QAs/197
I could also end up being diabetic as this is the part of my body that creates insulin.
I really just take it in my stride now
If the spot in my liver IS cancer then no operation, but chemotherapy the grade one, f**k where’s my hair gone type?
It depends what is the lesser of 2 evils.
To confirm if it is cancer I needed a PET scan.
He drew a helpful diagram and showed me the scans, so got to see my insides on his pc.
If the spot on my cancer is NOT cancer then he will operate to remove part of the pancreas and small intestine, this procedure is called a “Whipple procedure” http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/QAs/197
I could also end up being diabetic as this is the part of my body that creates insulin.
I really just take it in my stride now
If the spot in my liver IS cancer then no operation, but chemotherapy the grade one, f**k where’s my hair gone type?
It depends what is the lesser of 2 evils.
To confirm if it is cancer I needed a PET scan.
Wednesday 17th June PET scan St Bartholomew’s hospital (Middle photo)
Well my first PET scan, I was in there for over 2 hours, 50 minutes is taken up waiting for the dye inside to take effect.
I could not read my Dean Koontz book while I waited, but I could not has I had to keep my arms by my side, now not a problem since I been on morphine! And helped with Enya on my IPod to listen to,
Monday 22 June Gender Identity Clinic (no photo, sorry but that just too stereotypical).
Well what timing this was my appointment with Mr Phil Thomas, the surgeon who wants to do my gender reassignment surgery, after nearly 3 years on the yellow brick road I was so near to Kansas. With tears in my eyes and a broken heart I had to tell him about my cancer and this will delay my op.
But he was nice, said my funding will be put aside and when I get the all clear they will find another date a.s.a.p, this was a big relief as I feel in limbo and want my body corrected, I also see I need to get well.
Sometimes in life I get tired of fighting all the time, but I bash out the dents in my body armour and get o n with it.
I have noticed a few things, well people say how well I look now, I think this is because I see life as so precious now and am trying to enjoy every moment as the next down day could be but a night’s sleep away.
Also for the first time in my life I feel so comfortable with who I am, and my body language totally reflects this, not that I was ever non confident, but finally I saw the slim attractive woman I am.
Also I used to make excuses to spare friends feelings, but now it’s tough, I worked hard for my figure, done trips from London with boobs and laser stubble on my face! I earned this.
I done aerobics, skin care, good make up and good diet, I earned this, I just want my op to fully enjoy sex as a woman and not as a “in between”
But I will get there.
Next appointments+
24th June – Whitechapel
To get PET scan results and find out all the results
26th July Southend hospital (photo 4) to talk to dietician to see how I can best help my body and also write a fitness programme.
I have also contacted my landlady and housing about my rent situation in October
See I’m a single girl and I got to consider all options.
Make my will next week, make Jen the executor of my will, and it’s who will look after smudge.
Now this is not being negative, but being realistic and covering all options.
If I got to have chemotherapy I am looking at a good wig and will spend good money and also counselling, I know when I wake up with hair on my pillow I will cry.
I really will fight this but I also get angry.
Angry at people who self pity, am I selfish but I think how dare you! I fight this and all you do is wallow in self pity.
I find I don’t want to know people who will not help themself, as I worked for everything in my life.
Sorry if I got angry in the end, doesn’t a girl have a right and some of the self pity I seen recently made me want to scream, have my fate!
Truth be told I am angry, scared and also never felt more alive as I treausre each day.
Would feeling like this affect some friendships?
Lulu signing of now.
Lulu signing of now.
2 comments:
My wife and I made our first wills in our 20's as we lost my Dad and her Mom within a year of each other and wanted to make legally sure that my mother could never ever ever get custody of our sons and also to make sure that what we wanted to have happen with other things did. Not fatalism, as you say, but just good planning!
I'm glad to know your funding gets set aside rather than going "back into the kitty" or something! It's very interesting to see how things work there as compared to here, especially with the health care debate now raging here.
I'm glad you thought of the dietician; I've heard there are vitamins that can help in this as well and hope some were recommended as despite our best intents none of us ever eat right.
Please don't apologize for being you; you are why we're here! I treasure each word...
alan
Happy at least you don't have to battle for funding again. Its ok to be angry at times
Post a Comment