Cancer is not a death sentence, just a reason to really start living

I was going to name this blog “ the last blog before I have my operation” but with the purchase of a laptop, USB modem and plenty of time on my hand Monday evening (explain later) then this could the last of several blogs before I disappear under the magic of the anthesitist.

I went to the hospital on Wednesday to discuss the results of my PET scan.
The spot on my liver is NOT cancer.

They also done a detailed scan on my small intestine and the cancer have “leapt” to another part of my abdomen.
I was left to make up my mind to the two options, but was happy to go with the consultant’s option and could see the reasoning behind it.
This is for surgery to carry out the “whipple procedure” he also explained that until I was “opened up” he would not know what could be achieved, but doubts that the whole tumour will be removed, as it is near some tissue areas and blood vessels, he could not risk damaging these.
The consultant and his team really explain things clearly, honestly and non patronising way.
The operation will take 5-6 hours and it will take place on Tuesday (yes 30th June!)
The hospital is putting me up in a hotel Monday evening so I can just check in first thing Tuesday morning and away we go. (Amazing how things are done now)

I was “processed” on Wednesday for admission, blood tests, MRSA tests and CEG scans.
Hence I could blog Monday evening as I will be stuck in a hotel room.
I will be on for two weeks, then there is an 8 week recovery, then I start chemotherapy to tackle the other cancer.
Yet I feel positive as I am going to fight this and my sister has given me emotional support, which was what I needed, the amount of times I felt like I am a machine that can be fixed before, I realised I needed a girl to girl talk as men just don’t do it.
I have been looking up wig fitters for when I have chemotherapy and also head scarves; I am facing my true inner fears in my life and feel very strong for this experience.

Also I truly do treasure each day.
I also know I am changed as I have no time for people whinge or show self pity.
I have been busy these last few days and working of a “Lucy list”
Packed clean nightwear for two weeks, clean knickers.
Books, films, IPod, laptop etc.

Most importantly got arrangements made for Smudge to be fed.
With good timing my sister is coming down this weekend so we will have a good “pre hospital” drink, which I am sure will be followed by a “welcome home” drink
Also part of my positive outlook is how good I feel about myself, love my hair, feel confident with my figure and am really expressing this with how I dress, not just Goth, but my own look.
Everything from glamour punk to 50s girl and I’m loving it.
Yes for the first time in my life I like being me, like my body and know that I am a nice and attractive woman, so perhaps this cancer has had a very positive effect on me as I am really enjoying life.
Saturday 27th June
My sister arrived and we had time to go girly shopping, I spent a measly £85 in Krisp, buying a lovely tight fitting and yes short! dress, a gorgeous cobalt blue dress, leopard print leggings and a bolero jacket.
Into Primark for some extra nightwear bits and knickers for hospital.

We went out the O’Neil’s bar, and I had also texted my previous neighbours to see if they could join us.
We also added a new person to the “posse! Who was a complete stranger but is now a good friend. Her name is Chrissie a Dublin girl.
She was sitting at a table on her own and being polite we asked if we could sit at her table and she said “yes it’s just me” at which point I said “would you like to joins us”
And a new friend is made.

Jay turned up later and we went back to my flat for wine and 80s music and dancing.
We was going to stay out later but I had been sick and needed to be home” but still had a good night.
Chrissie crashed for the night at my place.
Now at this point I have to add that my sister’s boyfriend did not approve of me inviting a stranger back, I pointed out that being on your own on a Saturday night is not nice, an offer of friendship and show of human faith does no harm.
Anyway my sister has now gone home.
I am finishing my packing and got a phone call to confirm that my hotel has been booked for Monday.
So Tuesday morning 7am I report to the department and go down for my operation.
I will write tomorrow from my hotel room and the first twinges of nerves are kicking in.