I use this in my thinking process at times as I think it is so easy to look at a negative view of things, or even to look at both sides of a coin.
I have used this ideal recently with the health issues I have gone through and how I can adapt in my life, as there is no doubt there will be changes in my work and personal life, and change does not always have to be that scary or bad.
So let’s get the first bit of the update out of the way, I do have duodenal cancer and a spot (not yet confirmed as cancer) has been found in my liver.
I have been referred to the Royal Hospital in Whitechapel, where the team are experts in dealing with cancer in these areas and the first concern is to find out what the spot in my liver is, then to decide how they will treat both, whether it will be surgery, chemo or radiotherapy.
Although I was expecting the first bit of news, I think a small part of you hopes it will only be a ulcer, especially as this put my gender reassignment surgery of until this treatment is done, I suppose which is fair enough as if your dead you don’t get the full benefits
And I have been given morphine for the pain, two types MST which is a slow release all day and the heavier stuff for pain when it comes, and yes it does now on a rictor scale.
Yet I have decided to fight this and go for any treatment offered as I want to make sure that this does not rule my life.
Also if I do lose this fight I want my family to remember good times, and not a person who just withered away. So let the good times roll and lots of photos for that digital camera and more lifetime memories for me.
I am scared if I do have to have chemo, as I would lose my hair, but I will get some natty headscarves, sorry but I refuse to wear a NHS wig!.
I have bought some dresses and other new clothes and I am starting to show my figure of, not being big headed but if you got it flaunt it and have just introduced my own style.
I have contacted the bank about the critical illness cover on my loan and made an appointment to talk to the life change team.
Monday I will request a DLA (Disability living allowance).
I have contacted housing about my rent.
I am just being practical; I will get full pay for six months (October) then six months half pay.
I know this will be a long fight, truth be told I have not got the heart to work at that place anymore.
I am setting off to see my sister and nieces this weekend.
Over the last week since I have been unwell I have discovered a wonderful support network and the one here is also very important.
So for me the glass is only half full as there is so much more to do in life, and I will do it.
Plus morphine is bloody wonderful.
I post about my weekend away next week.
I have used this ideal recently with the health issues I have gone through and how I can adapt in my life, as there is no doubt there will be changes in my work and personal life, and change does not always have to be that scary or bad.
So let’s get the first bit of the update out of the way, I do have duodenal cancer and a spot (not yet confirmed as cancer) has been found in my liver.
I have been referred to the Royal Hospital in Whitechapel, where the team are experts in dealing with cancer in these areas and the first concern is to find out what the spot in my liver is, then to decide how they will treat both, whether it will be surgery, chemo or radiotherapy.
Although I was expecting the first bit of news, I think a small part of you hopes it will only be a ulcer, especially as this put my gender reassignment surgery of until this treatment is done, I suppose which is fair enough as if your dead you don’t get the full benefits
And I have been given morphine for the pain, two types MST which is a slow release all day and the heavier stuff for pain when it comes, and yes it does now on a rictor scale.
Yet I have decided to fight this and go for any treatment offered as I want to make sure that this does not rule my life.
Also if I do lose this fight I want my family to remember good times, and not a person who just withered away. So let the good times roll and lots of photos for that digital camera and more lifetime memories for me.
I am scared if I do have to have chemo, as I would lose my hair, but I will get some natty headscarves, sorry but I refuse to wear a NHS wig!.
I have bought some dresses and other new clothes and I am starting to show my figure of, not being big headed but if you got it flaunt it and have just introduced my own style.
I have contacted the bank about the critical illness cover on my loan and made an appointment to talk to the life change team.
Monday I will request a DLA (Disability living allowance).
I have contacted housing about my rent.
I am just being practical; I will get full pay for six months (October) then six months half pay.
I know this will be a long fight, truth be told I have not got the heart to work at that place anymore.
I am setting off to see my sister and nieces this weekend.
Over the last week since I have been unwell I have discovered a wonderful support network and the one here is also very important.
So for me the glass is only half full as there is so much more to do in life, and I will do it.
Plus morphine is bloody wonderful.
I post about my weekend away next week.
4 comments:
It's difficult to know how to reply to this sort of post, but wrong to pass by without comment.
I'm very sorry to hear about the diagnosis. But, adopting your half-full viewpoint, there has never been a better time to have cancer than now. It's almost ten years since my sister found she had breast cancer, and even then she considered herself lucky with the treatments available (she's now past the five years, so officially "all clear"). And in the intervening years, the treatments have improved further: today's chemo treatments make those of 20 years ago look primitive; today's radiotherapy equipment is incredibly well targetted; and the imaging available to see inside the body and know what's going on has probably been more significant than anything else.
But above all, the attitude of the patient is still a key factor. For believers there is the power of prayer; for non-believers there is the power of mind-over-matter, of a positive attitude and sheer guts. Either way, it seems you have come out with the right approach here.
I've been introduced to you through my following of Jenny Harvey's blog. You clearly have a wonderful friend and support there, in which you are again blessed.
Do keep your readers posted, if you feel able. I know that things move slowly, and often there is no "news". But, to mangle a usually half quoted comment "There's no such thing as the blogosphere, only individual men and women, blogging and reading"
As I've come to know you, I've fallen very much under the spell of your spirit and your heart. I'm glad your making battle plans and so happy that the medical part of things is easier to deal with than here!
I look forward to each of those photos; to your inimitable style and perhaps, if I'm lucky, somehow being a part of that support you speak of...
May your glass continue to fill!
alan
Couldn't have put whats written above better. Thinking of you. x
thank you all
Demi your words are so true, I posted a photo and a few lines and will do this i n between gaps in blogging!
though I get more time now with time of work :-)
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