I have finished all my planning for next week’s workshops, just got to make my notes for my talk outline, but I like to go with the flow on that one.
A crisis of confidence or insecurity, no not about my transition, in fact I sometimes think it would be easier if I look masculine I can really feel the green shade of envy at times.
No this old haunt is something that goes back to my childhood and has persisted a lot throughout my life whether I’m male or female, in short rejection, or perhaps my paranoia, who knows.
I nearly deleted this blog last night as I felt so upset and rejected.
Why is it people have time to feedback on other peoples blogs but not mine.
Also my sister got an invite through the post to my dad and his twin brothers 65th birthday, and I did not, you see my dad as never told his partner about me.
It would have been the perfect chance for him to and I got to admit it really cuts me to the bone, although I never ask my sister to take sides, there am part of me that hopes she does not go, in support of me, and am this selfish wish?
Throughout my life I have tried too hard, then not hard enough never finding that balance where I can maintain a friendship or any type of relationship, I hope I am ok now, yet I go online and am alone, why bother at times me thinks.
I had my 7th and latest tattoo done today, it needs to be finished in a second visit, but it is looking fantastic, I will try to take a photo of it tomorrow, it is of ISIS and on my lower back.
It is interesting as I read an article about modern day body modification, this covered anything from piercings and tattoos to gender expression, and it also got me to thinking about how I am now more comfortable with people seeing my stoma bag.
I had this done when I was 16 and I have always hidden it, but lately have been more relaxed about it and am looking to have some design covers made for it.
In a lot of ways Caroline helped me with this, she has a way of making you feel totally ok with your insecurities and I think her bohemian lifestyle is having an effect on me!
So I am tempted to write a blog about the weekend away and yet hit a delete key.
Choices, decisions and god damits.
9 comments:
Hey, don't delete the France post, we want to read it!
Ask Melissa! I was in exactly the same state of mind at about the time of your arrival and wondering why I continued to post with so little response coming back in comments, even those you may regularly comment on may not return the interest or follow your blog openly.
The lack of commenting generally is a sad fact in such a small community like ours where we should be more supportive of each other and that is where interesting bloggers are found.
Families can be strange! Well you have just seen that here!
Hang in there, Caroline xxx
ty Caz
Your family are lovely, can they adopt me!
Ok Jenny just for you I will write it
Lucy,
Comments breed comments. The more you comment on other blogs, the more of us find you.
I saw your comment on Jenny's blog, took a look at your blog, and added myself as a follower.
I also checked to see if we have you listed on T-Central and we don't...or didn't. You're there now.
So, keep writing, girl, and those comments will come.
You have a good friend in Caroline.
And yes, blog about the weekend.
Calie xxx
Dont you dare delete this blog!!!
:- )
I am looking forward to your weekend account to. We can compare notes.
You are right Coline / Carolines Bohemian approach is a breath of fresh air. It left a lasting impression on me to.
It was good to chat earlier.
xx
thank you Callie for the advise and I will try it, though I have done this before.
Still curious as to why I dont see some pple on msn or yahoo lol
Lucy, I think you are adorable! You are a kind and honest girl! What more could anyone expect of you? Don't feel bad about not getting a invite from your dad. I have read what you have written about your dad before, and I think he must be one hell of a cad! Shame on him!
Please don't delete your blog! If anything, Blogger needs more open and honest blogs like yours. Calie makes a good point, that comments on other people's blogs, begets comments on you own blog, but remember, the number of followers you have, is not nearly as important as the quality of their affection for you. I have 60 followers, yet only a handful of them have regular communications with me. Those are the ones I consider most dear!
I consider you a dear friend, Lucy!
Take care sweetie!
Melissa XOXO
I just followed your blog and added it to my blogroll. Sorry, I hadn't known about you or your blog before! I find new blogs through blogs I already read, and when Lisa first wrote about travelling with Lucy, I thought she meant the other Lucy, who I already follow. Now I know better!
I do get a lot of comments, and I try to reciprocate, but I follow a lot of blogs and sometimes I get way behind, or simply don't have all the links yet.
Keep smiling Lucy, sometimes we have the down days and everything looks crappy, and we forget all the good things that we have got out of life. This is human nature, and we are really good at forgetting the good and remembering the bad.
your an amazing woman and hopefully one day you will be able to believe it lol!
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