Day trip to Pattaya and home is on the horizon

This week I went out on a day trip to Pattaya, and on the agenda was a visit to a gemstone and jewellery shop, where you also get a guided tour and shown the process of original handcraft techniques used in the stone polishing, fittings and the final product and also a nice shop with helpful assistants, who were very good as we all bought something there!

I loved looking at the original quartz crystals and other stones in the museum part.

The young man, who was helping me, was kind enough to let me try on some diamond rings, even though I assured him they were out of my price range.

I have been looking for a amber ring for the little finger of my left hand for a little time now and when I did look at the amber rings, the first one I tried on was a perfect fit, I did try on some other rings, but this was always going to be my choice and I also bought it for a good price 1500 baht (£36) which for all the work on it is a fantastic bargain and also something to remind of a special trip to a beautiful country.

We were a small group of 9 people and most of us have been together before our SRS, so there was so much laughter and once again we were out again in the “stealth” van.

The next stage was a visit to park, which had some beautiful gardens, and also some shows, one is of traditional Thailand culture and dance, (which I really enjoyed) I do love watching theatrical content from different cultures) and a mix of Thai kick boxing, and sword fighting.

The second show I had mixed feelings about, it was a show with elephants in and they were very clever, it was a mix of them dancing, playing football, and even painting, ,my mixed feelings were for the elephants as I prefer that animals are out in their natural habitat.

In between we had a nice buffet style lunch and Jipp showed me how to serve up ice cream in traditional Thailand style and very nice it was!

We had set of at 9:30 in the morning and did not get back to 7pm so it was a long day and I was glad to have a shower and rest, although I had to make up for my missed afternoon dilation and have 2 evening ones.

I was also glad I packed plenty of pads in my bag as I went through all of them as did the other girls, men don’t know how lucky they are!

Interesting views from around the world

As I have been talking over the last few weeks, the views of girls from around the world and from different experiences has been interesting, from a Australian girl who was intersexed and had her SRS at 18 to the older women like me, and all our different paths to Thailand.

This brought up the question about “would we tell any future partner” about our gender history, and also for a younger lady like Jordan it would be if a future husband wanted children, then how would she answer the reason why she cannot have children, it gave a different perspective to the older woman who had previous marriages and have children.

Also from a interesting note if it helps any, I have noted that the couples who have stayed together after SRS in some way don’t function, it is a friendship, I had a chat with a couple and the genetic woman had admitted she was not a lesbian but was scared of change, perhaps even if it hurts it is best for people to move onto to new life’s.

The one thing we all shared and agreed on was how the “transgender” has become too much of an umbrella term for what was originally transsexual men and women.

The main thing had been rejection from families, the subject of people who had been married and women who had meet new partners during transition, so a whole mix of experiences.

A hint back at my calling?

During the my stay over here, people have at times asked if they could confide in me, I was even asked to mediate in a dispute between 2 sisters and dealt with everything ok, even one of the women from the clinic asked if they could talk to me, as she said she felt better after talking to me and I had a peaceful and calming nature, which with my counselling skills, got me thinking is this a calling back?

Last Appointment with Dr Suporn (or so I thought!)

Today is Friday 18^th February and it is my last appointment with Dr Suporn before I fly back home on Monday.

My healing has gone so well. A lot better than I expected, so I think my pre routine of yoga, aerobics and healthy eating really paid off and the girls tease me as they know I am ok with dilating, saying I even get off on it lol (as if!)

I had thought the most important thing was get here, get the surgery done and heal well and get home, anything else is a bonus.

I went into the examination room and Dr Suporn went through everything and said that there was a tiny tear on the lower outside labia; to be honest it is not as bad as it sounds, Dr Suporn is a perfectionist about his work, I just had to wait for a little while as he saw the rest of his patients and some stitches were applied, nothing painful at all, not even the injection for the local anasetic, I been poked and prodded so much over the last 2 years, so it’s nothing new to me.

It was funny as during the stitching process I jumped a bit and Jip who was holding my hand for comfort said “you in pain Lucy” I said no Clitoris very sensitive!

He is happy with everything else and I am not complaining with the swelling going down a lot I can already see my clitoral hood forming, I am a happy girl.

I will have a quick check-up on Monday by him to ensure that everything is ok.

I got my letters (I will try to take a photo to put up, if not I will scan when I get home)

But I can now get my GRC and finally get my birth certificate changed. (When you read Dr Suporns letter I don’t think the GRC panel can turn me down)

I also took up the offer for Dr Suporn to go through the photos from my surgery, and it is a surreal experience as I sat down and he went through step by step photos of my genitalia being reshaped and I get the DVD to take home, I must make a copy to send to my father.

I got my farewell pack, lots of the magic “green and yellow” pain killer tablets, cleaning stuff and other bits and pieces.

Also I have been given some sleeping tablets and these are very good, I am using one for the return flight to Heathrow airport, it will help pass the 10 hours away.

I will be picked up at 5pm to be taken to the airport on Monday, with a letter requesting wheelchair access and a seat with as much leg room as possible.

The next wave of “newbie’s” come flying in.

Well it seems like a long time ago that I arrived in Thailand 3 days before my surgery, a bit nervous, thinking I may be spending a lot of time alone in a hotel room recovering and maybe not getting out much, this was my previous blogs have mentioned showed this was not what my experience was at all.

I saw a new group of people waiting in the clinic and getting the little wreath of flowers and their box containing the four boyfriends! And amongst the group I recognised an English accent with a hint of Devon in it.

It was a lady from Cornwall and I invited her to our little group meal and drink later that evening, (it was a joint leaving event for me, Jordan and Alexandra, as we leave on Saturday, Sunday & Monday respectively)

I also invited her to sit with us at breakfast and gave the advise about the 7/11 shop to help save money being spent in the hotel, how to order cheap bottled water from the clinic and so on, I won’t be able to visit her in hospital as she is admitted on Monday for a Tuesday Surgery, but I was able to put her mind at rest that she was in good hands and the post operative care is first class and answered her questions, the top one “Dilation”! I was able to assure her was not as bad or painful as she will think and we would exchange email details as I would email her and ask how things are.

Also she shared a interesting story with me, a friend of hers had her SRS by Mr Thomas (who would have done mine on the NHS) and although she was happy with the appearance of her vagina, she had no sensation at all as his technique cant do that, and not a lot of depth, so I am so glad that fate gave me a chance to be able to have my SRS with Dr Suporn.

So we were passing on the torch to the new group.

Last night there were a lot of tears and hugs as we have shared a journey, not so much a physical one, but one of putting a part our soul at rest and feeling ready for a new life as it starts again.

Finally some last lovely words to me

I have thought at one stage of a bit of Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS) some doubts had crept in as I saw some results over the last few weeks (not patients of Dr Suporn I must stress)

And had thought I like my face and I am good with makeup and also am totally comfortable going out without it, some girls thought I had had surgery as they said my face was feminine, and my voice was complimented as being feminine and I said I had not had surgery just done my voice exercises over the last 18 months.

I did ask Dr Suporn and he said your face is a nice shape and you are very femanine in your appearance, deportation and your essence is female, that was nice to hear.

So I will be writing away in my private blogs before I fly away and also on my flight home (before the magic sleeping tablet kicks in!

My next post here will from back in sunny England and with Smudge back at my side.

Thank you to Caroline for the lovely chats while I have been over here and also to the lovely Joanne for the same reason and the detailed Eastenders and Corrie Street updates J

Day trip to Dr Suporns Beach house

Although I always envisioned that this trip would be about healing and recuperation, it is still nice to fit in the odd trip out amongst all the days of rest.

One such trip planned is a day trip to Dr Suporns beach house which is about a 60 minute drive from the hotel, we did stop on the way for about 60 minutes to visit a temple, which was fantastic and on my list of places to visit.

It was also nice to meditate before one of the female goddess statues and to give thanks for my healing.

Then it was onto the beach house, the staff where once again so friendly and helpful, and plenty of cold drinks and an afternoon buffet were supplied.

Also at this stage I should mention that this was at no cost to us, it is part of the service of aftercare.

We also had a Thai massage which was a wonderful and relaxing experience.

Although we can’t swim in the sea at the moment, (activities like this are not allowed for another 12 weeks) it was still nice to walk along the beach and feel the waves wash over my feet and to sit down and watch the sea, such a wonderful and relaxing feeling.

To be honest since I have had my operation I have felt totally at peace with myself and have a wonderful sense of well being.

We did share some humour on the trip as the van has “The Dr Suporn Clinic” on the side, now not everyone in Thailand knows about what type of surgery he does, but we couldn’t resist jokes that at least we were going out in stealth in “the transsexual van”, I knew my stitches are healing as I had not too much pain with the laughter.

Wednesday 9^th February 2011

I had my latest check-up with Dr Suporn today, this was to check inside my vagina walls and ensure the skin graft is healing ok, he ensured me that the little tool was narrower then my dilator, but I didn’t flinch, it’s funny how used us women get to having Drs putting things inside our vaginas!

Everything looked fine and he is pleased with everything and with the aid of a mirror showed me, nice and pink and genuine looking inside and hairlessJ.

My next checkups are on Monday 14^th and then Friday 18^th, and then it will be time to go back home.

The time has passed so quickly and it will be nice to back in my little cosy flat with Smudge.

Thailand – 4th February 2011

Dilation is a word that all transsexual women will hear about as surgery comes up, it’s even known about before transition almost like some sort of mythical beast.

I think this legend has grown due to some” horror “stories by previous post op transsexual women, who not only seem to revel in explaining bout blood etc, but also enter the competition “who has the most depth”, I hasten to add that this is not true of all transsexual women, but the odd few strewn apples out of the box seem to have to find a way for masculine competitiveness.

Although I can adopt a “take it with a big pinch of salt” attitude, let’s be honest some images do form in the mind that can change as the day comes nearer.

Not only is it important to maintain depth, but to also circulate the vaginal and internal scar.

I am now 10 days post op, and have been out of hospital for 3 days, have now settled into my twice daily dilation routine.

The process after surgery is to have complete bed rest for 5 days and to keep your legs not to far apart or bent (as to not tear the skin graft as it heals).

This Was hard work, far harder then I imagined, I had my notebook and internet access, a good book to read, my iPod and my portable DVD player, I worked my way through the complete season 3 of “Buffy the vampire slayer”.

But little things like bending your knees to rest a notebook on, you never realise how much you miss it until you are not allowed to do it.

I was given a bed wash and new hospital top changed twice a day, and my room was cleaned twice a day, (once again the NHS could and SHOULD learn from this so called “third world nation).

The fridge in my room was well stocked with bottled water and fruit juices, one advantage of having a catheter is that you do not have to worry about trips to the loo with some drinking of fluids.

It is important as it encourages the newly shaped urethra to work and after my previous hospital trips; I am now an old hand at it.

On the 6^th day I was able to have a shower (ah the bliss) and walking with the aid of a nurse.

I took little granny steps at first and then on the 7^th day I was able to visit some of the patients in the rooms either side of me.

The 7^th day unlike in that wonderful comic is not a day of rest, but the day of release from hospital, but also has a tinge of nerves as it is also “D Day” (I think by now we know what the “D” stands for)

In the morning my catheter tube was sealed off, not taken out, but disabled and I had a shower and was given a pain tablet.

One of “my boyfriends” was taken out of my box; I noted it was the second largest “Jimmy Dean”

Then a nurse wheels in a steel trolley which was left alone with me for 15 long minutes as I awaited Dr Suborn, it looked more like something out of a “SAW” film as the minutes ticked by.

Then Dr S arrives and started to explain to me how the process was going to work, and also the cleaning ritual, for the first 2 weeks as the internal stitches heal, the wound also needs to be cleaned.

So first the Cather and drain tubes removed, no problem, next stage the internal packing, as I watched it really took me back to memories of watching a magician on television where they kept pulling all those multi colourer handkerchiefs out of his sleeve, it is packed into a Condon so that any bandages can infect you inside, but a lot comes out! And I can happily say there is no pain whatsoever.

Dr Suporn places a mirror between your legs and shows you as he dilates you, and it is not to unpleasant, a slight discomfort.

The only thing left is that I was able to urinate before I left hospital, and once again I had heard stories of “going everywhere” maybe I was just lucky, or possibly my deportment option of sitting down to urinate since I started my transition helped, but I did not go everywhere and had no discomfort, and it was a wonderful feeling when I sat down with my new vagina.

I was driven back to the hotel, and then told that Aye would visit me at 4pm. This was to watch me dilate and make sure that I was ok with the whole process.

Also due to hygiene reasons, tap water is not advised to be used to clean any instruments, the clinic do provide 6 bottles of water at a cheap price.

The whole routine takes 60 minutes at the moment, first is to wash the vagina area with water and then a medical solution, and then clean again with water so the whole area is clear.

A large plastic mat is provided to cover the bed sheet, with a long thin PVC strip. Also for extra hygiene a condom is placed on the dilator, (I have been told that there is no need for this once I am back in England and the skin grafts have healed.

Then you get on with it, as it stays in for 30 minutes I watch an episdode of the xfiles. This routine will change to 3 x 15 minute sessions next week and onto “dynamic dilation”

I had s titi8ches taken out today and I am happy with the healing process and walking a bit further now.

It is not that bad a process, it is just find8ing time to do it, and if you’re a Virgo like me then I got it all organised!

first look

Excuse typos, I ust had my meds given to me.
Bandages come of, and Dr Suporn inspected and yes I got sensation! he used a mirror and gave it to me, ok still swollen as expected, but I am so fucking happy, I keep looking.

And really hardly been in any pain at all, post care is good.
had a shower and washed nmy hair, finished buffy, and now starting xfiles, been told not to have sexy thoughts due to live tissue, Im bisexual and every Thai nurse is so hot, so calm thoughts.

And they said they like my tattoos and breasts and massaged them, think Anne Whiticombe

PS caroline knows ;)

what the names, Elvis, Jimmy Dean, Johnny D & Ms Kat Von D mean ;)

rough draft, but it do as tomorrow is D day

Thailand – January 25^th 2011 - am

I had a night of thoughts, half dreams, hurricanes & butterflies until at last the world of dreamscape...

I have packed my hospital items and had breakfast and spoken to the girls.

I have made some interesting connections and it has inspired, also the flirting with one USA girl has been fun.

The last 2 days have brought back memories from when I was studying Transactional Analysis and its work on the inner child.

On a conscious level I do not go around analysing people, I am sure that on the unconscious level this is not entirely true, I have always been a “people watcher “and trust my instincts around the different types of people I have come across in my lifetime.

I do think that as I am now mature not just in age but also on an emotional and mental level.

I can now look back on the work I done on myself during my counselling training and how accepting who you are inside and bonding with that inner child is so important.

There is/was a lady staying at the hotel that has had SRS, breast augmentation and facial feminisation surgery, the work on her face has been done repeatedly, where I can at first see a female shape to where it has continued to be worked at, continuing and trying to make her face into the ideal shape she had in her own mind, and it looks like it is coming from her unhealed inner child.

In how she acted and dressed it was screaming out and also her longing for acceptance and attention, her bold public face was very much at odds with her insecure attempts to let people hear what she thought they wanted to hear, rather then what she believed in or thought herself.

To me it brought home that the first place for self acceptance and love is not the scalpel but the counsellor’s chair.

Thailand – January 25^th 2011 – pm

I am in a hospital room #915, waiting for room #902 to be prepared, this will be my room for my stay.

Katherine a lovely Australian lady came to the hospital with me, she also wanted to visit another lady, (it is part of the Trans sisterhood support network, and I look forward to when I am able to help on the continuing success of this important function.

I have had my blood pressure taken and also meet the Psychiatrist who went over my life and family history.

He also went through my drawings with me and it is surprising what comes from within when answering his questions.

The inner child theme continues as I answered the question “how old do you see this woman in the picture and who is she?” I answered that it was me and that she was between 35-40 and I saw that my inner child as grown up, the outer and inner souls uniting, even if I am able to lie a bit about my age, and I can see that we still both share the sin of vanity.

As I was sitting in the little room adjoining the hospital room to eat my lunch, I had so many thoughts about my childhood and how I have come to this place now and felt an inner peace.

I am still nervous as the 2 bites of my chicken salad can verify.

I am now all unpacked in room 902, and the Thailand people’s attitude to Trans people is so refreshing they appear to respect us.

My nurse kia was so funny, as she said to me “tomorrow Lucy you will have a beautiful vagina” I thought that a UK nurse would not have offered these sentiments!

I now have a wired broadband service, all set up for 200 BHAT a day (£4).

My room is spacious (larger then my bedroom at home) and well air conditioned, with a fridge, television, wardrobe, safe, table and chairs and a sofa.

I am now in this strange limbo before the next part of my continuing journey, I am so happy that I and my inner child are still on this earthly plane and that all those years of self hate and destruction failed.

I have just met a lovely friendly woman, the one who will put me to sleep tomorrow, and took the time to talk to me, go through my medical history, explain how she would do things and said not to worry as she will put me to sleep quickly and I will get a sleeping tablet tonight, the level of care so far is so good, and people assume that Thailand is a third world medical country!

She also explained that Dr Suporns team had been discussing me for tomorrow re securing my stoma bag for hygiene reasons, the attention to detail is very impressive, and I bet he makes lists as well.

New Journeys starting

I heard a knock on my door earlier today and a young man introduced himself and explained that he was here to support his partner who had her surgery yesterday (Monday) I offered to sit down and talk to me and then told me HER story, she had gender issues and was not ready to transition six years ago but was going to, I asked her name and it will be Eve, I called her Eve and said you are a woman and we have all been where you are at this moment in your life.

She had also meet Dr Suporns staff and one of them is going to take her shopping this week for some female clothes, for me it says it all.

If I was to add further comment, could you imagine a NHS reception nurse doing this in her own time?

They also let relatives sleep in the room and even put a bed in the room for them and also feed them, I think I am hammering in some big points and I would recommend Dr Suborn and his staff to anyone.

I did go to see Eves partner and we had a good chat, it is her birthday on 15^th Feb, and you be surprised to know we will be drinking wine in the hotel bar that night!

I not got time yet to write about the Dutch girl and other stories.

I am going to end here and my next blog will be post op.

Monday 24th January 2011

A little time out from some deep and reflective private blogging.

It has been edited from a more detailed blog, if some bits seem oput of sync sorry

After talking to Jo online, with time difference and me up at 3am it was nice to talk to someone from home and it helped a lot, I was also going through a lot of missing smudges huggles

I was ok when I woke up with so little sleep, had a lovely time talking to people over breakfast and then headed out for a little 10 minute walk in 30 degrees heat, flip-flops and a summer dress in January was total pure bliss pure bliss.

I had started talking to a Dutch lady who was being admitted o hospital today (Monday) and she has her surgery on Tuesday, but we were taken to the hospital together for our blood and other tests.

We had a good laugh, cry over our shared experiences, she goes home on the 21^st February (the day before me)

We are going to talk to each other as we progress through pre op, post op care and dilation stories.

I had a 2 hour gap before I was due to meet Dr Suporn for my consultation.

As I was waiting I was given a consent form to fill in a questionnaire and asked to draw 2 images:

One of how I saw myself and the other a picture with a house, tree and people in it. Was also asked to place in order my preference of what I wanted, which I answered:

· Sensation

· Cosmetic appearance

· Depth

And asked what depth I expected.

He went through a PowerPoint presentation explaining about how it works, what to expect and the healing process and of course dilation.

I was very happy with what depth he said I would get a minimum of.

I got to meet the great man himself, he examined me and went through my medical history and assured me that my skin was good for his technique.

He went through a PowerPoint presentation to explain about his procedure.

I was given a booklet and a lot of information and my “special friends” my 4 dilators or my “boyfriends and girlfriends” I am thinking of names for them, Jimmy Dean, Kat Von D are springing to mind.

I will be in hospital for 7 days and then bed rest in my room for another 5, but some of the girls are going to visit me in hospital and also when I am back in my hotel room.

I am going to read my booklet and watch some DVDs and relax; I am in a calm state and about aftercare, dilation and hygiene and thinking of the road ahead.

Also a big thank you to everyone for your good luck messages to me

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