rough draft, but it do as tomorrow is D day

Thailand – January 25^th 2011 - am

I had a night of thoughts, half dreams, hurricanes & butterflies until at last the world of dreamscape...

I have packed my hospital items and had breakfast and spoken to the girls.

I have made some interesting connections and it has inspired, also the flirting with one USA girl has been fun.

The last 2 days have brought back memories from when I was studying Transactional Analysis and its work on the inner child.

On a conscious level I do not go around analysing people, I am sure that on the unconscious level this is not entirely true, I have always been a “people watcher “and trust my instincts around the different types of people I have come across in my lifetime.

I do think that as I am now mature not just in age but also on an emotional and mental level.

I can now look back on the work I done on myself during my counselling training and how accepting who you are inside and bonding with that inner child is so important.

There is/was a lady staying at the hotel that has had SRS, breast augmentation and facial feminisation surgery, the work on her face has been done repeatedly, where I can at first see a female shape to where it has continued to be worked at, continuing and trying to make her face into the ideal shape she had in her own mind, and it looks like it is coming from her unhealed inner child.

In how she acted and dressed it was screaming out and also her longing for acceptance and attention, her bold public face was very much at odds with her insecure attempts to let people hear what she thought they wanted to hear, rather then what she believed in or thought herself.

To me it brought home that the first place for self acceptance and love is not the scalpel but the counsellor’s chair.

Thailand – January 25^th 2011 – pm

I am in a hospital room #915, waiting for room #902 to be prepared, this will be my room for my stay.

Katherine a lovely Australian lady came to the hospital with me, she also wanted to visit another lady, (it is part of the Trans sisterhood support network, and I look forward to when I am able to help on the continuing success of this important function.

I have had my blood pressure taken and also meet the Psychiatrist who went over my life and family history.

He also went through my drawings with me and it is surprising what comes from within when answering his questions.

The inner child theme continues as I answered the question “how old do you see this woman in the picture and who is she?” I answered that it was me and that she was between 35-40 and I saw that my inner child as grown up, the outer and inner souls uniting, even if I am able to lie a bit about my age, and I can see that we still both share the sin of vanity.

As I was sitting in the little room adjoining the hospital room to eat my lunch, I had so many thoughts about my childhood and how I have come to this place now and felt an inner peace.

I am still nervous as the 2 bites of my chicken salad can verify.

I am now all unpacked in room 902, and the Thailand people’s attitude to Trans people is so refreshing they appear to respect us.

My nurse kia was so funny, as she said to me “tomorrow Lucy you will have a beautiful vagina” I thought that a UK nurse would not have offered these sentiments!

I now have a wired broadband service, all set up for 200 BHAT a day (£4).

My room is spacious (larger then my bedroom at home) and well air conditioned, with a fridge, television, wardrobe, safe, table and chairs and a sofa.

I am now in this strange limbo before the next part of my continuing journey, I am so happy that I and my inner child are still on this earthly plane and that all those years of self hate and destruction failed.

I have just met a lovely friendly woman, the one who will put me to sleep tomorrow, and took the time to talk to me, go through my medical history, explain how she would do things and said not to worry as she will put me to sleep quickly and I will get a sleeping tablet tonight, the level of care so far is so good, and people assume that Thailand is a third world medical country!

She also explained that Dr Suporns team had been discussing me for tomorrow re securing my stoma bag for hygiene reasons, the attention to detail is very impressive, and I bet he makes lists as well.

New Journeys starting

I heard a knock on my door earlier today and a young man introduced himself and explained that he was here to support his partner who had her surgery yesterday (Monday) I offered to sit down and talk to me and then told me HER story, she had gender issues and was not ready to transition six years ago but was going to, I asked her name and it will be Eve, I called her Eve and said you are a woman and we have all been where you are at this moment in your life.

She had also meet Dr Suporns staff and one of them is going to take her shopping this week for some female clothes, for me it says it all.

If I was to add further comment, could you imagine a NHS reception nurse doing this in her own time?

They also let relatives sleep in the room and even put a bed in the room for them and also feed them, I think I am hammering in some big points and I would recommend Dr Suborn and his staff to anyone.

I did go to see Eves partner and we had a good chat, it is her birthday on 15^th Feb, and you be surprised to know we will be drinking wine in the hotel bar that night!

I not got time yet to write about the Dutch girl and other stories.

I am going to end here and my next blog will be post op.