Sometimes enough is enough

Perhaps not the best headline for a post Xmas blog, I really need to write this as I am so angry.

And I did still have a fantastic Christmas with my sister, nieces and her partner

See me and Jeanette have the misfortune to have my dad, a ,man who hit me, her and my mum as kids, drank a lot and near my mum’s death did not want her writing a will and he pocketed a lot of money that was meant for me, my sister and nieces.

This is not about money this is about an abusive man, why I even tried this Xmas with him I will never know.

Hey this is the man who is now a bit whiter in hair, heavier, and unsteady on his feet, it does not change who he was and still is, just because his body is unable does not mean his spirit still doesn’t try.

I feel I have to add this as not long ago a person who I thought was a friend said this.

“I don’t care what you say or think your dad is lovely” (or some words to that effect, I was in disbelief at this point).

Actually I do care about what I think and feel and also how my sister does.

My dad is not a nice man at all.

Boxing Day 2009

Me and my sister arrived at “The Coach house” at 2:30PM we have booked a table for 3 o’clock for a meal and my dad has also been invited, the cost is £30 per head, but we thought it would be nice to get out on boxing day and you know even start this as a new xmas tradition, boxing day meal out.

We had got there early as the pub is over 200 years old and have a lovely open fire, the thought of sitting in front of the fire with a cup of coffee, or for my sister a glass of wine, were very appealing.

3 O’clock arrives and in walks my dad, he can see us out of the corner of his eye, but makes his way to the bar to get himself a pint of WATER (served free) my sister went up to him to bring him over to us.

I gave my dad his Xmas present (if I do say so all nicely gift wrapped) some posh cigars and a £50 Burtons gift voucher, my dad commented “don’t Matalan’s sell vouchers?” of which I replied

“Yes dad, but I could not make it to my local one as I have been very ill recently”

Nice to know my gift was appreciated!

At the bar my sister had said “water dad” and he assured her that was all he fancied.

Until Jeanette got up and said does anyone want a drink, and without a pause my dad ordered a pint of lager, his thirst changed from water once someone else was buying!

Good to know he could not buy his daughters a drink for Xmas, one who is fighting cancer and the other that had a cancer battle in the summer.

I was just watching, and my dad knew this, I just know people and at this point I realised he has got worse with his miserly and mean ways.

Meal comes and goes, it was very nice, and I can’t eat too much at the moment as another blockage is forming, but what I ate of my salmon was lovely.

I and Jeanette had wanted to stay in the pub after the meal, but my dad was in panic, pubs cost money! (I have to say that I and Jeanette would have also bought him a drink, so the cost really would have balanced out and with me on lemonade I’m a cheap date)!

So back to the house we go, my dad pulls out 2 cans of lager from a bag he had, no more and no less, (Hey you can’t leave any cans behind for other people!) but when he did drink those 2 cans, he was more than happy to drink my sisters partners lager!

I had settled onto the sofa, and Jeanette had got me a blanket and pillow, see during my stay Jeanette and Mark never put me under pressure if I slept as they understand I am on a lot of medication!

My sister had to explain this to my dad as he did not understand!

Anyway to cut this whole sorry saga short, he went home at 11pm (I had woken by then and tried to talk to him) as he went he took out a screwed up £20 from his pocket and said buy yourself something for xmas! (I am posting it back to him tomorrow; my dad has £45,000 in his account)

No it is not about money, it was the lack of feeling behind his gesture.

I have cut my dad out of my life and my sister is doing the same, enough is enough.

Still trying to care

I hope if anyone knows me, be that by reading my blogs or meeting me, I will always try to enjoy life, but boxing day took something out of me, I am in a lot of pain (got more hospital appointments) and I am also in pain with being let down by people, family and so called friends.

I feel very tired, perhaps it is my time soon, I don’t know.

I think of the love of my sisters and nieces and a light shines in my heart, but if I need any more surgery I am not sure I have the heart to go through anymore.

This Xmas (Boxing Day aside!!) was the best I have had in years and I was so looked after by Jeanette, Mark, Demi and Danni.

Sorry to finish on a low note, I will look forward to New Years Eve and the wonderful Jools Holland Hogmanay show on TV.

I am sure I will get a second wind in 2010